by Chua Kok Yee
Lisa was ten years old when she found a message in the bottle.
She was on holiday with her family at Pulau Pangkor, and strolling along the beach with her eldest sister, Mabel. The sun was sinking into the ocean, leaving fading layers of orange across the graying sky. The ocean shimmered with reflections of the remaining sunshine; a welcoming prelude to the twinkling of the stars arriving soon from high above.
Lisa was shuffling her bare feet along in the soft sand, when she came across a half-buried bottle.
"Ah Jie! Look, there's a bottle there!" she pointed it to her sister. Mabel, who was seven years older than her, picked the dark green bottle up, and dusted away the sand. Then she pulled out the cork, and fished out a roll of brownish paper from inside.
"Is it a pirate's treasure map?" Lisa asked anxiously. She was already wearing an eye-patch and holding a long sword in her mind.
"Hahaha, no, it's not! It's just a message in the bottle," her sister told her.
"A message? What does it says?" Lisa studied the note in her sister's hand.
Both of them were standing at the edge of the water as Mabel's slowly unfolded the roll of note. Even though she squinted, her eyes lightened up when it traced through the lines of the note. Her lips sculptured a smile, and she read the message in the bottle to her little sister. Those simple words seemed to glide across the paper, sailed through the air before it anchored inside Lisa. That evening, under the embrace of the tender sea breeze and vanishing daylight, young Lisa received the first love letter of her life.
If you're holding a small piece of my heart; no matter where you are , I will never be alone again.
Twelve years later, Lisa wrote her first love note on a beach.
"You sure you're OK?" Mabel's voice over the hand phone was soft and tender, with a hint of concern.
Of course I'm not. I just found out that ex-my boyfriend is a pretentious jerk who has been cheating on me all this while. I gave him everything; treated him like a god and asked for nothing more than his love. It hurts like hell when I found out that the person I genuinely love think of me as just another conquest. When we kissed for the first time; I was thinking how special it was. But it must have been just another routine for him, another steps in his scheme to get into my pants. It made me feel so stupid; I'm so frustrated and angry with myself!
"Don't worry, Ah Jie. I'm OK," Lisa told her sister. Her pains were entrenched too deeply inside that she would not be able to share it even if she wanted to. Besides, she knew that she must overcome the pain on her own; only she could stitch back the pieces of her fragmented heart.
"When are you coming home?" her sister asked, but Lisa knew the question was from her mother.
"I'm not sure yet. Most probably next month or so after the results come out." At that time, Lisa was working in a beach resort in Cherating while waiting for the results of her university final examination. But Lisa did not go home the following month.
Upon her graduation, the management of the resort offered her a permanent position. Since she has always loved the tranquility of the seaside, she decided to stay on. From the day she arrived at the beach, she had been religiously taking slow walks along the beach late in the evening. She loved the sound of the waves as it gently rolled over the sand, and then slowly recede into the sea, taking along all the regrets and hurts of yesterday.
During one of her evening strolls, she saw a young girl working building a huge sand castle. The girl, most probably about seven or eight years old, was diligently scoping out buckets of sand with her plastic spade, and then patiently re-shape them as the walls, towers or blocks of her castle. The castle was quite impressive for a young girl to build on her own, with a tower on each of the four corners of its square wall, and a huge tower in the middle of the courtyard.
"Hi there!" Lisa squatted down near the east tower, and waved at the girl. The girl has a pair of huge eyes, and her brownish hair was tied neatly at the back. She looked at Lisa for a moment, then her little lips curved to a smile before she continue to pile wet sand onto the basement of the centre tower.
"That's a nice castle you have there," Lisa tried to coax a conversation.
"Thank you. I hope she'll like it," the girl barely lifted her eyes from her castle.
"Who is it for? Is it for me?" Lisa teased her.
"No, you silly! It's a present for the Mermaid!"
"Oh? You know the mermaid too? She's my friend too. I think she'll love it!"
"Really?" the girl eyes widened with joy.
"Yeah. It's a very nice castle," Lisa assured her.
"I hope tomorrow she will come visit the castle, and we can play together," the girl said, her face brimming with hope.
Lisa stood up, and looked further out towards the sea. A heavy feeling of dread came to her heart as Lisa confirmed her anxiety; the girl has built her castle too close to the edge of the water. When the high tide comes in the morning, the castle will be washed away. Tomorrow the girl would come back to the spot with great hopes, only to be disappointed by the disappearance of her castle. But how do we tell a child that, sometimes in life, our honest toil and pure intentions worth very little?
Lisa stood in silence as the girl put small flags on the top of the towers.
"What if tomorrow when you come here the castle is gone?" Lisa asked. She felt she had to gently prepare the girl for the impending disappointment. The girl continued to adjust one of the flags as if she was ignoring the question. After the flag was straight and flapping in the evening breeze, she returned a question to Lisa,"How can the castle be gone?"
Lisa unconsciously bit her lower lips,"Maybe some bad people steal it?"
The little girl stared at her for a moment, before she gave her a smile that seemed too wise. Then she told Lisa,"It's OK.
"You won't be sad your castle is gone?"
She shook her head as she flattened the western wall with her spade, "The mermaid don't like it anyway."
"How do you know that?" Lisa did not quite understand her. Her bafflement must had been comically obvious on her face, as the girl giggled at her expression.
"You're so silly! If the mermaid really likes it she will protect it. No one can steal it then!"
Lisa would not had expected that answer in a thousand years. She stood there for awhile, slowly contemplating the words, while waiting for the girl to complete the castle. Later that evening, after sending the girl to her hotel room, Lisa returned to the sand castle. She brought along a chopstick, and scribbled the words from her heart onto the wet sand next to the castle. That night, Lisa wrote her first love note on a beach.
If you're holding a small piece of my heart; no matter where you are, I will never be alone again.
Three years later, someone finally replied.
That evening, Lisa was strolling along the beach as usual when she noticed a peculiar shape on the edge of the water. Under the fading light, it looked like a huge semi-circular wall of an abandoned sand castle.
"Oh, no! Another grave for the pet!" Lisa moaned. In the past, she had a few cases of kids burying their pets on the beach. She had nothing against kids paying a meaningful last respect to their beloved pets, but a hastily-dug grave on the beach usually meant floating carcass when the tide is high.
But as she walked closer, she realized that it was not a grave. The pile of pebbles and rocks were arranged carefully in circle, with a layer of plastic sheet wrapping the inner wall. It was quite crude, but the two feet high circular wall played its role to perfection by preventing the seawater from invading inside.
Lisa stared unbelievingly at the words in the centre of the circle.
In her heart, she was hoping that a man will find the words she left behind on the beach, and he will keep them in his heart to protect them from being washed away by the waves. Then one day, he would look into her eyes and then return them to her, word by word.
She had never expected, or dared to hope for, anyone to actually physically preserve her love note on the beach! Now she did not know what to do!
Shall I leave my hand phone number or what? Or maybe email address too?
Lisa pulled out her chopstick, and wrote down her phone number underneath the original message.
"Hi!"
Lisa turned around and saw a girl. She was a tall girl, with a fashionably short and spiky hair. Her large almond eyes were diamonds that sparkled on her smooth round face. The white singlet she wore accentuated her womanly curves, and her slender legs looked great in a pair of khaki shorts.
"Hi!" Lisa replied, feeling the color rising in her cheeks. She has written so many times on the beach, but always alone in the dark. No one has ever caught her doing it before, and she suddenly felt vulnerable. It was like reading aloud the most intimate poem in her diary in front of a stranger.
There was a wall of awkward silence between them, before she pointed to the writings on the sand.
"You wrote those?" she asked, her eyes wide with anticipation.
Lisa nodded her head.
A wave of disappointment washed over the girl's pretty face, and sluiced out the lustre in her eyes. She withered, with her slumped shoulders and bowed head, like a morning rose under the afternoon sun.
For a moment Lisa was perplexed by both the girl's question and reaction. Then the cursed needle of realization slowly drilled into her heart, and injected bitter doses of reality into all the sweet possibilities. Lisa searched for the stranger's eyes, demanding the answer to an unnecessary question.
"I'm sorry," the girl apologized without lifting her head.
"It's OK," Lisa lied.
"Really. I'm sorry. I didn't know who wrote it, but it was so romantic. I thought it was by a guy, so I.." she explained.
"It's OK," Lisa said, this time she meant it.
The girl and her were so alike; both victims of their own lonely heart. Inside, they built an incomplete puzzle of love, and waiting for the arrival of the final piece. It was a cruel twist of fate that they heeded each other's call, even though they did not have that final piece.
"Thanks," Lisa said. The girl lifted her face, and stared at her with eyes as clear as that morning's blue sky.
"Yeah, I wish it was a guy, but at least you get it. You knew what to do, and that means a lot to me," Lisa told her.
She nodded, and beamed a sunshine smile that Lisa thought was the sweetest she had ever seen.
"At least now we know there are still some romantics out there, and we can always hope, right?" she replied with the words that were lingering on Lisa's tongue.
"Yes, we still can hope," she murmured to herself.
That night Lisa and the girl sat together on the beach and shared stories of loves, heartbreak and hopes. When the morning came, they hugged each other, bid farewell and never see each other again in their lives.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
SAMBAL AND SALSA
By Rumaizah Abu Bakar
Carlos stepped into the elevator. He nearly did not see her standing still in the corner, looking very demure in her light yellow baju kurung and matching tudung. The bright colour complemented her fair complexion. "Happy Monday Morning!" she beamed at him. Her smile lit up her face. He ran his fingers through his dark blonde hair. "Morning, Dr Salina!" he replied with a forced smile, trying to hide the cringe in his chest.
"It's about time you stopped calling me doctor," she protested sweetly. She looked at him for a while. "Hmm...That is a nice tie." "Thank you." He struggled with another polite smile. He felt his forehead starting to sweat.
He breathed a sigh of relief when the door opened on the fifth floor. "Catch you later," he quickly stepped out and strode to his office. A petite young woman in a light pink blouse and black skirt was arranging the papers in the trays on his desk. "Morning, boss," she chirped. "Shall I get you a cup of coffee?" He looked at her, straight shoulder length hair framing her fair oval face. All of a sudden, Dr Salina's image appeared on his secretary's face.
He shook his head, he must be hallucinating. She stared at him. "Are you okay, boss?" she studied him for a while. "Whaaaa..what?" he stared at her, still trying to regain his focus. "You looked like you have just seen a ghost. I have never seen your green eyes so shiny before." She joked, not sure whether to laugh or to be concern.
She realized that he has not responded to her remark. "Boss?" now she was getting worried. He shook his head again. He blinked his eyes and tried to focus on the movements of her lips. "Perhaps you should rest for a while?" she pulled the chair behind the desk and motioned for him to sit down. He sat, put his elbows on the desk and cupped his chin.
"You do not seem too well. Shall I make an appointment with Dr Salina?" she asked him. "Whoa! No!" he jumped up from his chair. She shrieked. "What's the matter, Boss?" "No, I am fine. No need to see the doctor."
He tugged his collar to loosen up his dark green tie a bit. "What meetings do I have today?" he deliberately put on his most authoritative tone. She took out his appointment book. "I have arranged a meeting with Ms Tan of GVH Sdn Bhd in 30 minutes time. She is sharing a new Human Resource development software." She continued going through his appointments for the day.
Her phone rang. She picked up the phone on his desk and pressed a button to take on the call. "Yes. Oh, she is early. Do me a favour and take her to the conference room, dear? Thanks." She hung up. "Ms Tan is already here. Shall I ask her to wait in the conference room?" "No, no, I can see her now." He said. He opened the door of the room. "Ms Tan, hello, nice meeting you," he held his hand. "I'm Carlos. Thank you for coming." "Thank you for giving me a chance to share our latest software," she said. They shook hands.
She pushed her round glasses further up the tip of her nose. Ms Tan was dressed in a smart black jacket and matching short skirt. She had her hair neatly tied up in a bun. She switched on her laptop and adjusted it to face both of them. "If it is okay with you, I shall do a short presentation and then I can clarify any query you may have," she looked at him. "Sure. Sounds good to me," he nodded.
"This is the latest tool that every Human Resource manager should have," she went through the slides, pausing now and then to make sure that he followed her. He nodded impatiently, eager to get to the last slide to know the cost of the software.
When they reached the fifth slide, suddenly she stopped. "Oh, it is hot in here. If you don't mind, I'd like to take off my jacket. He shrugged, "Sure, go ahead." She got up, took off her glasses and then slowly removed her jacket. He struggled to hide his impatience.
She hung the jacket on the back of her chair. His eyes nearly popped out. Underneath the formal top was a very low cut black dress. The material was so sheer and it clung to her body so tightly that he could clearly see the outline of her bra and the g-string that she was wearing.
To his amazement, she swiftly let down her hair, twirled it slowly with her fingers and batted her eyelids at him,
She took a few steps closer, her eyes never left his face. "Hey, Latin Lover. Hmm… Carlos is a Mexican name. You are Mexican, isn't it?" She pressed her body against his.
His eyes fluttered. He felt his heart speeding like the LRT train on the track. "What the…" he muttered under his breath.
"I love to Salsa," she moved her body seductively up and down. Then she swayed her hips to imaginary rhythm, her eyes burned with passion.
Suddenly, the door swung opened. She stopped in her track. In stepped Melissa. "Sorry to interrupt. If you don't mind, I would like to learn about the new software too." He nodded at her and smiled appreciatively.
She sat next to Ms Tan and took out her notepad. "Sure," replied Ms Tan, her face wrinkled like the back of an orange. Carlos and Melissa both pretended not to notice the piercing look she gave Melissa. She put on her jacket and quickly went through the rest of the presentation. Shortly after, she was done and was out of the room. They looked at each other with rounded eyes.
"What has just happened in there?" he raised his eyebrows at his secretary. "Sorry boss, I thought I checked out her background thoroughly already. I must have missed something," she apologized. "That's okay, Melissa. You have done a fantastic job of screening my appointments so far, almost like the CIA," he teased. They laughed.
They adjourned to his office. "How did your date go on Friday, boss? She winked at him. The feeling of faint returned. His head started to throb. He rubbed his temple. "Boss, you have just turned pale again," she looked at him worriedly. He tried to relax and spoke calmly, "Oh, it was good. Dr Salina and I went to Nelayan for buka puasa. The food was delicious, spicy, just the way I like it. The Sambal Belacan was fantastic!" "Oh, you enjoyed her company then?" she enquired. Was there a hint of jealousy he heard in her voice? He was not sure.
Her phone rang. She picked it up from his line again. "Hello. Yes, Dr Salina. Let me see whether he is free. Just one minute." "You want to take this call?" She mouthed silently to him. He shook his head. She gave him a quizzical look. "I'm sorry Dr Salina. He is engaged in a discussion. May I take a message?" She paused for a while. "Okay, will do. Bye". She hung up. "Dr Salina asked if you could kindly return her call." He nodded. She arranged the papers in a pile and stacked them against her arms. "Anything else, boss?" "No, that's it for now. Please close the door on your way out. Thanks." He massaged his temple again.
There was a knock at his door. "Carlos, it's me," he heard the rough voice. "Yes, Brian, do come in." Oh no! What does his boss want this early in the day? The door opened and he caught the sight of the 6' British man's bald head first. Brian was wearing a charcoal grey pin stripe suit. He entered and sat on the chair across from him. "You have a minute?" Carlos started quivering. His arrogant boss actually asking permission to take his time indicated that he has unpleasant news.
"So, how's everything?" Brian smiled broadly. "I see that you have done great work. Everything moves like clockwork here." Oh no! If he was being generous with praises, then he has some really, really bad news. Carlos nodded. He stared blankly at his boss' plain light grey tie. As far as Brian was concern, ties only came in two colours, grey and blue. He shivered, anxiously waiting for the other man to speak up. He toyed with the pencil in his hands.
"I was going to ask you for lunch but I just remembered that it is Ramadan and you are fasting," Brian let out a laugh. Carlos pretended to laugh too. Stupid Mat Salleh, after ten years of working in Kuala Lumpur, he was still ignorant to the Malaysian culture and also to Muslims' religious observations. "Hey listen, I have an opportunity for you," finally he got to the point. "The Human Resource Manager in Qatar has just resigned. We thought that this would be a great chance to tap into your strength, good to further develop your Middle East exposure. Your being a Muslim would help a lot too."
Carlos pressed his fingers together under the desk. So, that was what he wanted to share. He resisted the urge to yell his head off. Qatar was bad news! There was nothing there. No friends, no entertainment, no social life. It would be like hell on earth for a swinging bachelor like him.
He took a deep breath and looked directly into Brian's eyes. "How long?" That was his main concern. Brian paused for a while and cleared his throat. "Emm…we are not sure yet. Maybe three weeks at the least. It depends, may last until three to six months if the situation does not improve." Carlos sighed loudly, not realizing that the pencil in his hands has broken into two pieces.
Then, came his next question, "What happen to the onsite workers there?" He maintained his gaze. "Oh, nothing much, just a tiny misunderstanding with the new Dutch Project Manager," Brian laughed nervously. "What kind of misunderstanding?" he persisted. "Our new guy is only starting to familiarize himself with the local culture, what with fasting and all. It is a small matter, really. He just needs to understand that he can not expect the same volume and hours during Ramadan. That's it. Simple solution!"
Brian lowered his gaze to his hands. "And…?" Carlos pressed on. "Okay, okay. Rumours had it that they were planning to murder him on Thursday. So we need to fly somebody there fast!" Brian finally spilled it out. Carlos swore under his breath and hit his fist on the desk, "Wonderful!" he yelled. Typical egoistic expatriate tale!
Melissa came running in. "You called me, boss?" she panted. Brian quickly stood up. "I'm done. We can talk about this later." He stomped out of the room.
Melissa leaned at the edge of the desk. "Bad news?" she asked him. Carlos frowned. "Yes. I'm being seconded to Qatar." "What? You can't go!" the crisp in his secretary's voice startled Carlos. "What did you say?" "You can't go, boss. I mean this place needs you. You brighten up the office. You motivate everybody here to work hard."
Tears were welling in her eyes. Carlos was surprise. He did not see that coming. "Oh! We are still talking about it. It's not final yet," he tried to console her. "Don't worry, I'm sure we can resolve this somehow."
After Melissa left his office, he walked across the room to the large window panes and looked outside. It was a hot day; in fact, it had not rained for days now. He saw a purple Mercedes parked two lots away from his silver BMW. He looked at the plate number. Dr Salina's car! What was she doing parking at their staffs' lot? The other tenants of the building have a separate parking lot on the other side.
His thoughts flew to the incidence during the weekend. He received a bouquet of red roses from an unknown woman on his birthday recently. He did not care at first. Secret admirers were not his cup of tea. He preferred bold and direct women. However, being a curious and nosy bunch, his staffs did a bit of detective work and tracked down the sender. It was a doctor from the clinic on the tenth floor. He has not noticed her when he did his occasional medical check-ups.
Nevertheless, he called her and invited her to join him for break fast later that day. He did not like dining alone anyway. They agreed to meet at the Nelayan Restaurant at 6.30pm. Wearing a comfortable blue Hawaiian shirt paired with three quarter pants, he chose a table outside overlooking the tranquil lake. It was a cool and breezy evening.
He nastily imagined shocking the doctor by wolfing a large helping of oysters, prawns and a dozen types of other unhealthy food. Top that with chain smoking and a huge amount of liquor. He chuckled quietly to himself.
When she arrived, the graceful lady was ushered to his table. She looked elegant and yet at leisure in a white Indian print blouse and matching pants. So, this was the mysterious Dr Salina! He was surprised to learn that she wore tudung.
They ordered the express East Coast break fast set. 20 minutes later, the waiter arrived with a large round silver dulang filled with assorted dates and kuih as well as Nasi Kerabu and several curry and vegetable dishes. He asked for Sambal Belacan, she was amused. "Hmm…you like spicy food?" "Yes, Sambal is my favourite." He smiled. "Oh, you are mixed…Mexican-Malay right?" she smiled back. He nodded. "My father is Malay-Arab. My mother is Mexican." "Oh! That explained the green eyes," she exclaimed. "If your father had been Malay, you would end up with brown or black eyes and nothing else," she teased. They laughed.
"Why do you wear tudung?" he finally asked after they were done with their meal. "Why? You don't like women with tudung?" she challenged lightly. "No, I don't!" He did not even hesitate to keep his thoughts to himself. Let's see how she would react to that statement.
She was calm though. "Okay, you are entitled to your opinion," she replied coolly. They continued conversing for a few hours. He found out that she was an intelligent woman from a family of overachievers. Both of her parents were professors and all her siblings were medical doctors. Surprisingly, he also realized that he enjoyed her company very much.
After dinner, they decided to adjourn to the lounge nearby to listen to the live band. She excused herself for a while and he waited at the sofa. He ordered a glass of white wine for himself and a fresh orange for her. She returned ten minutes later and he was shocked to see that she had removed her tudung. He gasped as she sat next to him on the sofa. Her long straight hair fell softly on her shoulders. She looked angelic, a perfect picture of innocence.
They listened quietly to the R&B medleys played by a Pilipino duo. Shortly later, their drinks arrived. She looked at his wine. "Hey, you are drinking. I want one too." Amused, he ordered a bottle of Chardonnay. The waiter returned with the wine and two tall glasses. They sipped their drink slowly and started to relax further. It was not long before he felt her reaching for his hands. Oh boy! This is going to be a long night, he thought.
They chatted while she held and caressed his hands. After a few glasses of liquor, she became more and more mellow. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard her saying, "I love you." He looked at her in disbelieve. "I love you," she repeated the words again. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you."
Suddenly he felt hot and started to sweat. Is the air conditioning not functioning properly? He wiped his face and neck with the back of his hands. "What's the matter, darling?" she looked at him affectionately. "Nothing, it is just hot in here. I need to take a shower when I get home," he told her. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you. I'll bathe you," she smiled sweetly, a little bit creepily too. Whoa! What is happening here?
"It's getting late!" He immediately stood up. "We better make a move. Need to wake up early tomorrow." "Oh!" She looked surprised and slowly got up too. They dropped by at the cashier counter and he took out his American Express card. He settled the bill and then walked her to her purple Mercedes parked in front of the building. He waved to her and then proceeded to his car on the other side of the parking lot.
It was already 1.00am when he pulled his BMW into the parking lot at his apartment in Stulang Laut. He took the elevator up to his unit on the 8th floor. He pulled the key out of his pocket and pushed it into the key hole. "Hey, Carlos," he heard a high pitched voice calling him. This is eerie. He must be imagining things.
"Carlos, you live here?" the familiar voice again. He turned around in a fright. "Dr Salina! What are you doing here?" His heart was in his mouth. "I live here too, on the 12th floor. I saw your car parked downstairs and went to see your unit number printed on the parking lot," she grinned. "What a coincidence! Now we can visit each other anytime," she cooed.
She tilted her head to one side and continued smiling at him. Her long hair flowed softly in the evening breeze. Was she glowing in the dark?
He pushed the door open. "Nice meeting you again. I need to go in and get some sleep, early start tomorrow. Catch you some other time," he quickly stepped in. "Sure. Good night and sweet dreams," she blew him a kiss. He closed the door behind him, double locked it and pushed the latch. He leaned on the wall and breathed a sigh of relief. It was only when he took off his damp clothes that he realized how much he had been sweating all night.
"Boss, phone call for you," Melissa voice startled him and brought him back to the present. He blinked his eyes and turned away from the window. "Who is it?" he asked her. "It's Dr Salina again," she winked at him. "Oh, tell her I am busy," he waved his right arm to dismiss her. She raised her eyebrows. "If you say so, boss," she turned around and strode out of his room
He felt faint. He walked back to his desk and sat on his chair. He leaned his head on the back of the chair. He was really tired. He did not have much rest during the weekend.
After the date from hell encounter on Friday night, it took him a while to fall asleep. The next morning, he was rudely woken up by the sound of his door bell, ringing non-stop. He looked at his clock, it was only 6.00am. Was it an emergency? Swearing under his breath and wondering who would be bothering him at that godforsaken time of the day, he got off his bed. Wearing only his pyjama bottom, he dragged his feet sleepily to open the door. He yawned several times and rubbed his eyes.
"Hey sleepy head!" the feminine voice jolted him wide awake. "Dr Salina! What are you doing here so early?" he yelped. It was still dark outside. He swiftly hugged his naked body. "Oh, it's a beautiful day; let's go brisk walking in the park before the sun rise. Early bird catches the worm." Looking all perky in her red track suit with her long hair neatly tied up in a pony tail, she gave him that chilling smile again. He mumbled a quick apology and gave an excuse about missing sahur and being tired before shutting the door in her face.
That was not the end of it. Later in the evening, she dropped by again to invite him to break fast at her place. Naturally, he declined. On Sunday evening, he nearly screamed hysterically when she brought over a deck of Nyonya six-tier Tiffin and a basket of plates and cutleries. She said the Tiffin compartments were filled with rice and all her specialty dishes for breaking fast for two. Apparently, she had been slaving in the kitchen all afternoon, pounding out her old family recipes.
Melissa walking back into his room interrupted his deep thoughts. She passed him a piece of paper. "Message from Dr Salina," she told him. He read it: Carlos, I have good news! My parents will be in town this weekend. I am arranging a buka puasa dinner so that they can meet you.
He sighed and leaned back in is chair. He knew he had to do something and he needed to think fast.
There was a loud knock at his door. "Carlos!" It was Brian again. "Yes, please come in," he said. When he saw the bald Caucasian man, suddenly he knew what he had to do. "Brian, have a seat. We need to talk," he said. Brian pulled the chair across his desk and sat down. Carlos seemed to be in a much better mood than this morning. "What's the matter?" "I have been thinking about our conversation just now. I agree that it is a good opportunity for me to go to Qatar." He could not believe those words were coming out of his mouth. Neither did his boss.
"I beg your pardon?" Brian looked at him as if he was mad. "No, it is a good time for me to handle another overseas assignment. I'm sure it would just be for a few months, right?" he put on his most convincing tone. "Well, I don't know what to say. That is good news!" Brian was obviously delighted. They talked a bit more, joked and laughed out loudly. Half an hour later, Brian left his office in good spirit and he went back to work.
"Boss?" Melissa was perching at his desk. He did not notice her returning. "Mr Brian said you have agreed to go to Qatar," her voice was so soft that he had to strain to hear her. Oh no! He had forgotten their conversation. "It will only be for a few months. Don't worry, I am still in charge of the Human Resource matters here," he tried to pacify her. "It won't be the same," she nearly wailed. He looked at her carefully. Her eyes seemed red, swollen. Had she been crying? "Are you okay?" he asked her gently. She nodded. "Hey, we can still correspond through the phone, emails and video conference if need be. I would be back before you know it," he assured her. She was still quiet.
She then went out to take a few boxes and placed them on the floor next to his books cabinet. She took out his books one by one and started to pack them in the boxes. She seemed troubled.
A twinge of guilt swept over him. "Melissa, if you are not doing anything later, let's have coffee at Starbucks downstairs, shall we?" She gave him a half smile and nodded.
Three hours later, they sat facing each other at a table located at a secluded corner of Starbucks. He sipped his decaf late while she stirred syrup into her iced lemon tea. "I'm sorry to drop this bombshell on you," he began. "But I can assure you that this is only temporary. I won't be there forever." "I know, boss. I understand," she said unexpectedly.
Her smile suddenly became wider and her eyes twinkled mischievously. She put both her elbows on the table and stared at him for a moment. "Boss, I have something to tell you."
"Ok...," he nodded encouragingly and waited; question marks were dancing in his mind. What now?
"I just spoke to Mr Brian. He said you could use a secretary there and with your increased portfolio, you can benefit from having someone who is already familiar with your working style." She beamed at him. "So, he has agreed to let me follow you to Qatar," she finished. She paused to observe his reaction. He stroked his chin, "Well, this is a surprise."
He was silent for a while, trying to digest the news. He was not sure whether Melissa going along would benefit him. In fact, he was worried about her safety, a single young woman in the Middle East. What was Brian thinking? Why was he not consulted on a crucial matter like this? Something was not right with that picture.
"And there's more," her eyes sparkled again. "Yes?" He was getting to be nervous now. "Mr Brian said I could stay in the apartment unit next to yours. The company's driver can take us to the office. I'll take care of you, boss. We'll make a great team," she purred. Her words kept on repeating in his ears. "I'll take care of you."
To his horror, the image of Dr Salina flashed on Melissa's face. Her long, straight hair was flowing softly. Her face shone. Was that a halo around the top of her head? Her lips mouthed, "I'll take care of you."
He saw the room spinning very quickly. The furniture twirled around them. Then, everything went blank.
Carlos stepped into the elevator. He nearly did not see her standing still in the corner, looking very demure in her light yellow baju kurung and matching tudung. The bright colour complemented her fair complexion. "Happy Monday Morning!" she beamed at him. Her smile lit up her face. He ran his fingers through his dark blonde hair. "Morning, Dr Salina!" he replied with a forced smile, trying to hide the cringe in his chest.
"It's about time you stopped calling me doctor," she protested sweetly. She looked at him for a while. "Hmm...That is a nice tie." "Thank you." He struggled with another polite smile. He felt his forehead starting to sweat.
He breathed a sigh of relief when the door opened on the fifth floor. "Catch you later," he quickly stepped out and strode to his office. A petite young woman in a light pink blouse and black skirt was arranging the papers in the trays on his desk. "Morning, boss," she chirped. "Shall I get you a cup of coffee?" He looked at her, straight shoulder length hair framing her fair oval face. All of a sudden, Dr Salina's image appeared on his secretary's face.
He shook his head, he must be hallucinating. She stared at him. "Are you okay, boss?" she studied him for a while. "Whaaaa..what?" he stared at her, still trying to regain his focus. "You looked like you have just seen a ghost. I have never seen your green eyes so shiny before." She joked, not sure whether to laugh or to be concern.
She realized that he has not responded to her remark. "Boss?" now she was getting worried. He shook his head again. He blinked his eyes and tried to focus on the movements of her lips. "Perhaps you should rest for a while?" she pulled the chair behind the desk and motioned for him to sit down. He sat, put his elbows on the desk and cupped his chin.
"You do not seem too well. Shall I make an appointment with Dr Salina?" she asked him. "Whoa! No!" he jumped up from his chair. She shrieked. "What's the matter, Boss?" "No, I am fine. No need to see the doctor."
He tugged his collar to loosen up his dark green tie a bit. "What meetings do I have today?" he deliberately put on his most authoritative tone. She took out his appointment book. "I have arranged a meeting with Ms Tan of GVH Sdn Bhd in 30 minutes time. She is sharing a new Human Resource development software." She continued going through his appointments for the day.
Her phone rang. She picked up the phone on his desk and pressed a button to take on the call. "Yes. Oh, she is early. Do me a favour and take her to the conference room, dear? Thanks." She hung up. "Ms Tan is already here. Shall I ask her to wait in the conference room?" "No, no, I can see her now." He said. He opened the door of the room. "Ms Tan, hello, nice meeting you," he held his hand. "I'm Carlos. Thank you for coming." "Thank you for giving me a chance to share our latest software," she said. They shook hands.
She pushed her round glasses further up the tip of her nose. Ms Tan was dressed in a smart black jacket and matching short skirt. She had her hair neatly tied up in a bun. She switched on her laptop and adjusted it to face both of them. "If it is okay with you, I shall do a short presentation and then I can clarify any query you may have," she looked at him. "Sure. Sounds good to me," he nodded.
"This is the latest tool that every Human Resource manager should have," she went through the slides, pausing now and then to make sure that he followed her. He nodded impatiently, eager to get to the last slide to know the cost of the software.
When they reached the fifth slide, suddenly she stopped. "Oh, it is hot in here. If you don't mind, I'd like to take off my jacket. He shrugged, "Sure, go ahead." She got up, took off her glasses and then slowly removed her jacket. He struggled to hide his impatience.
She hung the jacket on the back of her chair. His eyes nearly popped out. Underneath the formal top was a very low cut black dress. The material was so sheer and it clung to her body so tightly that he could clearly see the outline of her bra and the g-string that she was wearing.
To his amazement, she swiftly let down her hair, twirled it slowly with her fingers and batted her eyelids at him,
She took a few steps closer, her eyes never left his face. "Hey, Latin Lover. Hmm… Carlos is a Mexican name. You are Mexican, isn't it?" She pressed her body against his.
His eyes fluttered. He felt his heart speeding like the LRT train on the track. "What the…" he muttered under his breath.
"I love to Salsa," she moved her body seductively up and down. Then she swayed her hips to imaginary rhythm, her eyes burned with passion.
Suddenly, the door swung opened. She stopped in her track. In stepped Melissa. "Sorry to interrupt. If you don't mind, I would like to learn about the new software too." He nodded at her and smiled appreciatively.
She sat next to Ms Tan and took out her notepad. "Sure," replied Ms Tan, her face wrinkled like the back of an orange. Carlos and Melissa both pretended not to notice the piercing look she gave Melissa. She put on her jacket and quickly went through the rest of the presentation. Shortly after, she was done and was out of the room. They looked at each other with rounded eyes.
"What has just happened in there?" he raised his eyebrows at his secretary. "Sorry boss, I thought I checked out her background thoroughly already. I must have missed something," she apologized. "That's okay, Melissa. You have done a fantastic job of screening my appointments so far, almost like the CIA," he teased. They laughed.
They adjourned to his office. "How did your date go on Friday, boss? She winked at him. The feeling of faint returned. His head started to throb. He rubbed his temple. "Boss, you have just turned pale again," she looked at him worriedly. He tried to relax and spoke calmly, "Oh, it was good. Dr Salina and I went to Nelayan for buka puasa. The food was delicious, spicy, just the way I like it. The Sambal Belacan was fantastic!" "Oh, you enjoyed her company then?" she enquired. Was there a hint of jealousy he heard in her voice? He was not sure.
Her phone rang. She picked it up from his line again. "Hello. Yes, Dr Salina. Let me see whether he is free. Just one minute." "You want to take this call?" She mouthed silently to him. He shook his head. She gave him a quizzical look. "I'm sorry Dr Salina. He is engaged in a discussion. May I take a message?" She paused for a while. "Okay, will do. Bye". She hung up. "Dr Salina asked if you could kindly return her call." He nodded. She arranged the papers in a pile and stacked them against her arms. "Anything else, boss?" "No, that's it for now. Please close the door on your way out. Thanks." He massaged his temple again.
There was a knock at his door. "Carlos, it's me," he heard the rough voice. "Yes, Brian, do come in." Oh no! What does his boss want this early in the day? The door opened and he caught the sight of the 6' British man's bald head first. Brian was wearing a charcoal grey pin stripe suit. He entered and sat on the chair across from him. "You have a minute?" Carlos started quivering. His arrogant boss actually asking permission to take his time indicated that he has unpleasant news.
"So, how's everything?" Brian smiled broadly. "I see that you have done great work. Everything moves like clockwork here." Oh no! If he was being generous with praises, then he has some really, really bad news. Carlos nodded. He stared blankly at his boss' plain light grey tie. As far as Brian was concern, ties only came in two colours, grey and blue. He shivered, anxiously waiting for the other man to speak up. He toyed with the pencil in his hands.
"I was going to ask you for lunch but I just remembered that it is Ramadan and you are fasting," Brian let out a laugh. Carlos pretended to laugh too. Stupid Mat Salleh, after ten years of working in Kuala Lumpur, he was still ignorant to the Malaysian culture and also to Muslims' religious observations. "Hey listen, I have an opportunity for you," finally he got to the point. "The Human Resource Manager in Qatar has just resigned. We thought that this would be a great chance to tap into your strength, good to further develop your Middle East exposure. Your being a Muslim would help a lot too."
Carlos pressed his fingers together under the desk. So, that was what he wanted to share. He resisted the urge to yell his head off. Qatar was bad news! There was nothing there. No friends, no entertainment, no social life. It would be like hell on earth for a swinging bachelor like him.
He took a deep breath and looked directly into Brian's eyes. "How long?" That was his main concern. Brian paused for a while and cleared his throat. "Emm…we are not sure yet. Maybe three weeks at the least. It depends, may last until three to six months if the situation does not improve." Carlos sighed loudly, not realizing that the pencil in his hands has broken into two pieces.
Then, came his next question, "What happen to the onsite workers there?" He maintained his gaze. "Oh, nothing much, just a tiny misunderstanding with the new Dutch Project Manager," Brian laughed nervously. "What kind of misunderstanding?" he persisted. "Our new guy is only starting to familiarize himself with the local culture, what with fasting and all. It is a small matter, really. He just needs to understand that he can not expect the same volume and hours during Ramadan. That's it. Simple solution!"
Brian lowered his gaze to his hands. "And…?" Carlos pressed on. "Okay, okay. Rumours had it that they were planning to murder him on Thursday. So we need to fly somebody there fast!" Brian finally spilled it out. Carlos swore under his breath and hit his fist on the desk, "Wonderful!" he yelled. Typical egoistic expatriate tale!
Melissa came running in. "You called me, boss?" she panted. Brian quickly stood up. "I'm done. We can talk about this later." He stomped out of the room.
Melissa leaned at the edge of the desk. "Bad news?" she asked him. Carlos frowned. "Yes. I'm being seconded to Qatar." "What? You can't go!" the crisp in his secretary's voice startled Carlos. "What did you say?" "You can't go, boss. I mean this place needs you. You brighten up the office. You motivate everybody here to work hard."
Tears were welling in her eyes. Carlos was surprise. He did not see that coming. "Oh! We are still talking about it. It's not final yet," he tried to console her. "Don't worry, I'm sure we can resolve this somehow."
After Melissa left his office, he walked across the room to the large window panes and looked outside. It was a hot day; in fact, it had not rained for days now. He saw a purple Mercedes parked two lots away from his silver BMW. He looked at the plate number. Dr Salina's car! What was she doing parking at their staffs' lot? The other tenants of the building have a separate parking lot on the other side.
His thoughts flew to the incidence during the weekend. He received a bouquet of red roses from an unknown woman on his birthday recently. He did not care at first. Secret admirers were not his cup of tea. He preferred bold and direct women. However, being a curious and nosy bunch, his staffs did a bit of detective work and tracked down the sender. It was a doctor from the clinic on the tenth floor. He has not noticed her when he did his occasional medical check-ups.
Nevertheless, he called her and invited her to join him for break fast later that day. He did not like dining alone anyway. They agreed to meet at the Nelayan Restaurant at 6.30pm. Wearing a comfortable blue Hawaiian shirt paired with three quarter pants, he chose a table outside overlooking the tranquil lake. It was a cool and breezy evening.
He nastily imagined shocking the doctor by wolfing a large helping of oysters, prawns and a dozen types of other unhealthy food. Top that with chain smoking and a huge amount of liquor. He chuckled quietly to himself.
When she arrived, the graceful lady was ushered to his table. She looked elegant and yet at leisure in a white Indian print blouse and matching pants. So, this was the mysterious Dr Salina! He was surprised to learn that she wore tudung.
They ordered the express East Coast break fast set. 20 minutes later, the waiter arrived with a large round silver dulang filled with assorted dates and kuih as well as Nasi Kerabu and several curry and vegetable dishes. He asked for Sambal Belacan, she was amused. "Hmm…you like spicy food?" "Yes, Sambal is my favourite." He smiled. "Oh, you are mixed…Mexican-Malay right?" she smiled back. He nodded. "My father is Malay-Arab. My mother is Mexican." "Oh! That explained the green eyes," she exclaimed. "If your father had been Malay, you would end up with brown or black eyes and nothing else," she teased. They laughed.
"Why do you wear tudung?" he finally asked after they were done with their meal. "Why? You don't like women with tudung?" she challenged lightly. "No, I don't!" He did not even hesitate to keep his thoughts to himself. Let's see how she would react to that statement.
She was calm though. "Okay, you are entitled to your opinion," she replied coolly. They continued conversing for a few hours. He found out that she was an intelligent woman from a family of overachievers. Both of her parents were professors and all her siblings were medical doctors. Surprisingly, he also realized that he enjoyed her company very much.
After dinner, they decided to adjourn to the lounge nearby to listen to the live band. She excused herself for a while and he waited at the sofa. He ordered a glass of white wine for himself and a fresh orange for her. She returned ten minutes later and he was shocked to see that she had removed her tudung. He gasped as she sat next to him on the sofa. Her long straight hair fell softly on her shoulders. She looked angelic, a perfect picture of innocence.
They listened quietly to the R&B medleys played by a Pilipino duo. Shortly later, their drinks arrived. She looked at his wine. "Hey, you are drinking. I want one too." Amused, he ordered a bottle of Chardonnay. The waiter returned with the wine and two tall glasses. They sipped their drink slowly and started to relax further. It was not long before he felt her reaching for his hands. Oh boy! This is going to be a long night, he thought.
They chatted while she held and caressed his hands. After a few glasses of liquor, she became more and more mellow. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard her saying, "I love you." He looked at her in disbelieve. "I love you," she repeated the words again. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you."
Suddenly he felt hot and started to sweat. Is the air conditioning not functioning properly? He wiped his face and neck with the back of his hands. "What's the matter, darling?" she looked at him affectionately. "Nothing, it is just hot in here. I need to take a shower when I get home," he told her. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you. I'll bathe you," she smiled sweetly, a little bit creepily too. Whoa! What is happening here?
"It's getting late!" He immediately stood up. "We better make a move. Need to wake up early tomorrow." "Oh!" She looked surprised and slowly got up too. They dropped by at the cashier counter and he took out his American Express card. He settled the bill and then walked her to her purple Mercedes parked in front of the building. He waved to her and then proceeded to his car on the other side of the parking lot.
It was already 1.00am when he pulled his BMW into the parking lot at his apartment in Stulang Laut. He took the elevator up to his unit on the 8th floor. He pulled the key out of his pocket and pushed it into the key hole. "Hey, Carlos," he heard a high pitched voice calling him. This is eerie. He must be imagining things.
"Carlos, you live here?" the familiar voice again. He turned around in a fright. "Dr Salina! What are you doing here?" His heart was in his mouth. "I live here too, on the 12th floor. I saw your car parked downstairs and went to see your unit number printed on the parking lot," she grinned. "What a coincidence! Now we can visit each other anytime," she cooed.
She tilted her head to one side and continued smiling at him. Her long hair flowed softly in the evening breeze. Was she glowing in the dark?
He pushed the door open. "Nice meeting you again. I need to go in and get some sleep, early start tomorrow. Catch you some other time," he quickly stepped in. "Sure. Good night and sweet dreams," she blew him a kiss. He closed the door behind him, double locked it and pushed the latch. He leaned on the wall and breathed a sigh of relief. It was only when he took off his damp clothes that he realized how much he had been sweating all night.
"Boss, phone call for you," Melissa voice startled him and brought him back to the present. He blinked his eyes and turned away from the window. "Who is it?" he asked her. "It's Dr Salina again," she winked at him. "Oh, tell her I am busy," he waved his right arm to dismiss her. She raised her eyebrows. "If you say so, boss," she turned around and strode out of his room
He felt faint. He walked back to his desk and sat on his chair. He leaned his head on the back of the chair. He was really tired. He did not have much rest during the weekend.
After the date from hell encounter on Friday night, it took him a while to fall asleep. The next morning, he was rudely woken up by the sound of his door bell, ringing non-stop. He looked at his clock, it was only 6.00am. Was it an emergency? Swearing under his breath and wondering who would be bothering him at that godforsaken time of the day, he got off his bed. Wearing only his pyjama bottom, he dragged his feet sleepily to open the door. He yawned several times and rubbed his eyes.
"Hey sleepy head!" the feminine voice jolted him wide awake. "Dr Salina! What are you doing here so early?" he yelped. It was still dark outside. He swiftly hugged his naked body. "Oh, it's a beautiful day; let's go brisk walking in the park before the sun rise. Early bird catches the worm." Looking all perky in her red track suit with her long hair neatly tied up in a pony tail, she gave him that chilling smile again. He mumbled a quick apology and gave an excuse about missing sahur and being tired before shutting the door in her face.
That was not the end of it. Later in the evening, she dropped by again to invite him to break fast at her place. Naturally, he declined. On Sunday evening, he nearly screamed hysterically when she brought over a deck of Nyonya six-tier Tiffin and a basket of plates and cutleries. She said the Tiffin compartments were filled with rice and all her specialty dishes for breaking fast for two. Apparently, she had been slaving in the kitchen all afternoon, pounding out her old family recipes.
Melissa walking back into his room interrupted his deep thoughts. She passed him a piece of paper. "Message from Dr Salina," she told him. He read it: Carlos, I have good news! My parents will be in town this weekend. I am arranging a buka puasa dinner so that they can meet you.
He sighed and leaned back in is chair. He knew he had to do something and he needed to think fast.
There was a loud knock at his door. "Carlos!" It was Brian again. "Yes, please come in," he said. When he saw the bald Caucasian man, suddenly he knew what he had to do. "Brian, have a seat. We need to talk," he said. Brian pulled the chair across his desk and sat down. Carlos seemed to be in a much better mood than this morning. "What's the matter?" "I have been thinking about our conversation just now. I agree that it is a good opportunity for me to go to Qatar." He could not believe those words were coming out of his mouth. Neither did his boss.
"I beg your pardon?" Brian looked at him as if he was mad. "No, it is a good time for me to handle another overseas assignment. I'm sure it would just be for a few months, right?" he put on his most convincing tone. "Well, I don't know what to say. That is good news!" Brian was obviously delighted. They talked a bit more, joked and laughed out loudly. Half an hour later, Brian left his office in good spirit and he went back to work.
"Boss?" Melissa was perching at his desk. He did not notice her returning. "Mr Brian said you have agreed to go to Qatar," her voice was so soft that he had to strain to hear her. Oh no! He had forgotten their conversation. "It will only be for a few months. Don't worry, I am still in charge of the Human Resource matters here," he tried to pacify her. "It won't be the same," she nearly wailed. He looked at her carefully. Her eyes seemed red, swollen. Had she been crying? "Are you okay?" he asked her gently. She nodded. "Hey, we can still correspond through the phone, emails and video conference if need be. I would be back before you know it," he assured her. She was still quiet.
She then went out to take a few boxes and placed them on the floor next to his books cabinet. She took out his books one by one and started to pack them in the boxes. She seemed troubled.
A twinge of guilt swept over him. "Melissa, if you are not doing anything later, let's have coffee at Starbucks downstairs, shall we?" She gave him a half smile and nodded.
Three hours later, they sat facing each other at a table located at a secluded corner of Starbucks. He sipped his decaf late while she stirred syrup into her iced lemon tea. "I'm sorry to drop this bombshell on you," he began. "But I can assure you that this is only temporary. I won't be there forever." "I know, boss. I understand," she said unexpectedly.
Her smile suddenly became wider and her eyes twinkled mischievously. She put both her elbows on the table and stared at him for a moment. "Boss, I have something to tell you."
"Ok...," he nodded encouragingly and waited; question marks were dancing in his mind. What now?
"I just spoke to Mr Brian. He said you could use a secretary there and with your increased portfolio, you can benefit from having someone who is already familiar with your working style." She beamed at him. "So, he has agreed to let me follow you to Qatar," she finished. She paused to observe his reaction. He stroked his chin, "Well, this is a surprise."
He was silent for a while, trying to digest the news. He was not sure whether Melissa going along would benefit him. In fact, he was worried about her safety, a single young woman in the Middle East. What was Brian thinking? Why was he not consulted on a crucial matter like this? Something was not right with that picture.
"And there's more," her eyes sparkled again. "Yes?" He was getting to be nervous now. "Mr Brian said I could stay in the apartment unit next to yours. The company's driver can take us to the office. I'll take care of you, boss. We'll make a great team," she purred. Her words kept on repeating in his ears. "I'll take care of you."
To his horror, the image of Dr Salina flashed on Melissa's face. Her long, straight hair was flowing softly. Her face shone. Was that a halo around the top of her head? Her lips mouthed, "I'll take care of you."
He saw the room spinning very quickly. The furniture twirled around them. Then, everything went blank.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Baby
by Kow Shih-Li
I remember the first time I saw Baby. She lay in a crib, one in a long line. Third cot from the right. She was wrapped in a pink flannel blanket, like a fish in newspaper. There were some others wrapped in blue and yellow. If the blues were boy babies, then I had to guess what the yellow ones were.
The young nurse on the other side of the window had walked me here. She wore a green uniform and rubber soled white shoes like the ones I used for school. They made no sound on the shiny floor when she walked. She pointed Baby out, jabbing the air above Baby's head with her finger while her mouth shaped the words "your sister'. I pressed my nose to the window. The glass felt like cold metal. If I crossed my eyes, which I did often, I could see my own reflection. When I uncrossed them, I could see the head of the brand new little sister that Mother made.
I did not want a baby sister. I did not want a baby anything, much less one that looked like a hairless chimpanzee or some other animal. She did not even look human but none of the other wrapped up babies did either.
I turned away. The hospital smelt like my doctor's clinic, the one that Mother takes me to when I have a fever. Only this was much bigger and a lot colder. I went and sat on a row of four blue plastic chairs joined together at the base. I sat on one end and if I rocked my seat, the whole row followed. Mother was not around to stop me, so I rocked back and forth, making a grinding sound.
"Stop it, girl." It was a nurse in a blue uniform. I did not hear her sneak up on me because she was wearing those same silent shoes. I stopped because she looked fierce. Her eyes bulged when she glared. The type I did not like. She was also fat which meant that if she hit me, it would hurt. When she left, I rocked a little more but the fun was gone.
I walked down the corridor. No one paid any attention to me except for a walking baby with plastic shoes that made a loud squeak with every step. He tried to chase me and I had to stop so that he would be still and the shoes would be quiet. I wanted the blue nurse to come say "Stop it" and take the squeaky shoes away but the baby's father swept him up with a laugh before she came.
I stopped at every ward and looked inside. Each room had tired mothers who looked like the air had been let out of them. Everyone had bad hair and loose clothes. The opposite of wedding dinners when all the ladies had good hair and tight dresses. The babies were like parasites, sucking the air and good hair days out of their mothers through the breast. I must ask Mother if she ever thought of me as a parasite.
I was at the entrance to Mother's ward. It had 2 beds but the other was empty today. A lady was there until last night. Her baby was in a glass box under a light. "He's yellow," the nurse had said but he looked very brown to me and not at all yellow. I hated the sight of that baby under the light. He looked like a wrinkly, newborn kitten worming around on the floor with his eyes closed. I was glad that he was gone today and there would be no more mewing sounds.
I could hear Father's voice. Mother was crying. I stood outside the door, where I could hear without being seen.
Mother kept saying,"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know."
"Don't lie to me. This is not the time." Father sounded very angry. Angrier than the time Mother scratched his car driving through our front gate.
"No, I am not lying. Please believe me. I don't know why."
I don't know if Father believed her. I don't know if I believe Mother when she says she's not lying because she does sometimes. She often says something tastes good when it does not to make me eat it. She once said she could not take me to the park because she was feeling tired but five minutes later, she agreed to go to the mall when third Aunty called. I think she lied about being tired. Like the time she lied about why she was late picking me up from school. She said she was at the grocery shop but there were no groceries in the car.
Father said, "It's impossible."
"Maybe the nurses switched…"
"I was right outside the delivery room when they brought it out."
"Please don't call her 'it'. She's your daughter."
"I can't be sure about that, can I?" Father's voice leaked out through the door and pushed through the corridors. I pressed myself against the wall so that the anger in his voice would not touch me. I decided to stay outside to keep watch for the blue nurse who might come to shush him.
Mother started crying again. "God help me, I swear. I did nothing wrong."
That day, my father left never to return and I had to hold Mother's hand for five days as she cried. Doctors came and gave her injections that made her sleep. They also gave her bad dreams because she tossed and moaned in her sleep. Baby did not feed at her breast. Nurses gave her the bottle instead and patted me on the head. They said things like, "Be a good girl", "Poor thing" or "Take care of your mummy". I never answered.
Grandma came to see Baby in the baby zoo. That was what I called the room with the glass window. She did not coo to her or tickle her cheek like some of the other grandmothers did. Mother did not know she came. Grandma gave me one hundred ringgit and some chicken rice. That was also the last time I saw Grandma, the mother of my father.
From then on, it was Mother, Baby and me. Mother went back to her work, I went back to school and Baby went to the babysitter every morning. That was how things were everyday every year.
Last week, Baby turned four. Mother said, "Let's make a happy photograph." Baby in the middle, between Mother and me, and the pink frosted birthday cake in the front. It is a very nice photograph. We are all smiling and we look the alike, as though someone had taken three photographs of the same person at different times and stuck them together.
Look at us. I have Mother's eyes. Single lidded and almost disappearing when we smile. So does Baby. When I smile, only my lower teeth show, just like Baby and Mother. Even our hair is the same, black, straight and flat falling close to the head. The only feature Baby and I have that is not Mother's is the broad, flat nose with the upturned nostrils. That came from Father.
I am going to make a Chinese New Year card with this photograph. Last year, I made one with a drawing of fishes with gold sequins for scales. The year before that was cut-out patterns from red paper. Father calls me sometimes. When he does, he tells me about his new job and Grandma. I hope he calls this Chinese New Year when he gets the photograph.
He will see how alike Baby and I are. How can he not see? How can anyone not see? The only difference is that Mother and I are the colour of milk tea, Baby's skin is the colour of roasted chestnuts. That's all.
I remember the first time I saw Baby. She lay in a crib, one in a long line. Third cot from the right. She was wrapped in a pink flannel blanket, like a fish in newspaper. There were some others wrapped in blue and yellow. If the blues were boy babies, then I had to guess what the yellow ones were.
The young nurse on the other side of the window had walked me here. She wore a green uniform and rubber soled white shoes like the ones I used for school. They made no sound on the shiny floor when she walked. She pointed Baby out, jabbing the air above Baby's head with her finger while her mouth shaped the words "your sister'. I pressed my nose to the window. The glass felt like cold metal. If I crossed my eyes, which I did often, I could see my own reflection. When I uncrossed them, I could see the head of the brand new little sister that Mother made.
I did not want a baby sister. I did not want a baby anything, much less one that looked like a hairless chimpanzee or some other animal. She did not even look human but none of the other wrapped up babies did either.
I turned away. The hospital smelt like my doctor's clinic, the one that Mother takes me to when I have a fever. Only this was much bigger and a lot colder. I went and sat on a row of four blue plastic chairs joined together at the base. I sat on one end and if I rocked my seat, the whole row followed. Mother was not around to stop me, so I rocked back and forth, making a grinding sound.
"Stop it, girl." It was a nurse in a blue uniform. I did not hear her sneak up on me because she was wearing those same silent shoes. I stopped because she looked fierce. Her eyes bulged when she glared. The type I did not like. She was also fat which meant that if she hit me, it would hurt. When she left, I rocked a little more but the fun was gone.
I walked down the corridor. No one paid any attention to me except for a walking baby with plastic shoes that made a loud squeak with every step. He tried to chase me and I had to stop so that he would be still and the shoes would be quiet. I wanted the blue nurse to come say "Stop it" and take the squeaky shoes away but the baby's father swept him up with a laugh before she came.
I stopped at every ward and looked inside. Each room had tired mothers who looked like the air had been let out of them. Everyone had bad hair and loose clothes. The opposite of wedding dinners when all the ladies had good hair and tight dresses. The babies were like parasites, sucking the air and good hair days out of their mothers through the breast. I must ask Mother if she ever thought of me as a parasite.
I was at the entrance to Mother's ward. It had 2 beds but the other was empty today. A lady was there until last night. Her baby was in a glass box under a light. "He's yellow," the nurse had said but he looked very brown to me and not at all yellow. I hated the sight of that baby under the light. He looked like a wrinkly, newborn kitten worming around on the floor with his eyes closed. I was glad that he was gone today and there would be no more mewing sounds.
I could hear Father's voice. Mother was crying. I stood outside the door, where I could hear without being seen.
Mother kept saying,"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know."
"Don't lie to me. This is not the time." Father sounded very angry. Angrier than the time Mother scratched his car driving through our front gate.
"No, I am not lying. Please believe me. I don't know why."
I don't know if Father believed her. I don't know if I believe Mother when she says she's not lying because she does sometimes. She often says something tastes good when it does not to make me eat it. She once said she could not take me to the park because she was feeling tired but five minutes later, she agreed to go to the mall when third Aunty called. I think she lied about being tired. Like the time she lied about why she was late picking me up from school. She said she was at the grocery shop but there were no groceries in the car.
Father said, "It's impossible."
"Maybe the nurses switched…"
"I was right outside the delivery room when they brought it out."
"Please don't call her 'it'. She's your daughter."
"I can't be sure about that, can I?" Father's voice leaked out through the door and pushed through the corridors. I pressed myself against the wall so that the anger in his voice would not touch me. I decided to stay outside to keep watch for the blue nurse who might come to shush him.
Mother started crying again. "God help me, I swear. I did nothing wrong."
That day, my father left never to return and I had to hold Mother's hand for five days as she cried. Doctors came and gave her injections that made her sleep. They also gave her bad dreams because she tossed and moaned in her sleep. Baby did not feed at her breast. Nurses gave her the bottle instead and patted me on the head. They said things like, "Be a good girl", "Poor thing" or "Take care of your mummy". I never answered.
Grandma came to see Baby in the baby zoo. That was what I called the room with the glass window. She did not coo to her or tickle her cheek like some of the other grandmothers did. Mother did not know she came. Grandma gave me one hundred ringgit and some chicken rice. That was also the last time I saw Grandma, the mother of my father.
From then on, it was Mother, Baby and me. Mother went back to her work, I went back to school and Baby went to the babysitter every morning. That was how things were everyday every year.
Last week, Baby turned four. Mother said, "Let's make a happy photograph." Baby in the middle, between Mother and me, and the pink frosted birthday cake in the front. It is a very nice photograph. We are all smiling and we look the alike, as though someone had taken three photographs of the same person at different times and stuck them together.
Look at us. I have Mother's eyes. Single lidded and almost disappearing when we smile. So does Baby. When I smile, only my lower teeth show, just like Baby and Mother. Even our hair is the same, black, straight and flat falling close to the head. The only feature Baby and I have that is not Mother's is the broad, flat nose with the upturned nostrils. That came from Father.
I am going to make a Chinese New Year card with this photograph. Last year, I made one with a drawing of fishes with gold sequins for scales. The year before that was cut-out patterns from red paper. Father calls me sometimes. When he does, he tells me about his new job and Grandma. I hope he calls this Chinese New Year when he gets the photograph.
He will see how alike Baby and I are. How can he not see? How can anyone not see? The only difference is that Mother and I are the colour of milk tea, Baby's skin is the colour of roasted chestnuts. That's all.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
The Stalker Within
By Sabarina Abu BakarShe drove towards the small bungalow. The third time this week. Her heart sank upon seeing the well lighted room.
"Why didn't he call?" she asked silently. She pressed the negative sign on the volume button. Slowly muting Joan Jet's "I Hate Myself For Loving You".
As she neared the house, she slowed the car. Hoping for a sight of him. But it was impossible to go any slower for it was the main road she was in. Other drivers would honk and that was the last thing she needed. In between sighs, she pressed the accelerator and drove past the house. A wide junction not far ahead provided an opportunity for a U-turn. She made one and drove towards the house again.
She spotted a wide pavement in front of a paint shop. "This is perfect" she thought. It gave perfect view of the house. She stopped the car, off the engine and scroll down the window.
The small white single storey bungalow seemed unperturbed by the activities on the nearby main road. Cars, busses passed by, leaving doses of unhealthy smoke behind. Despite all this, the house still looks grand. Surrounded by pots of bougainvilleas, their colorful petals stood out against the white paint adorning the bungalow. The tall red brick walls offer its residents some privacy from the passers by. The house seemed recluse but yet, friendly.
Despite many cars in the compound, there don't seem to be much activity around. In fact, she had not seen a single soul coming in or going out of the house for the past three times she had passed by. Even his mother's helper was not in sight.
Her mind flew to one month ago when they spent their last Saturday together before he went off for his Haj trip.
"When are you due back?" she asked. He looked at her, sipped his drink and said, "IF I am back, it'll be on the third week of January" stressing on the IF. She looked at him long and hard and asked, "Why if?" sounded worried.
"It's all in God's will. You know how it is during Haj. Anything can happen" he replied calmly, avoiding her gaze. Immediately, her face softened and she continued eating.
That very conversation haunted her since two days ago when she was suppose to hear from him, but did not. She called, messaged him but none was replied. That drove her to his house. She would have rang the doorbell had she was formally introduced to his family members.
Suddenly, she saw a dark blue MPV stopped in front of the house. Followed closely behind was an apple green Myvi. The automatic gate slowly opened. The MPV went in. The Myvi remained outside and the gate remained opened.
Then, she saw someone drawn his room's curtain closed. She saw a physical shadow of a man behind the window screen. "Is that him?" she wondered. She knew it was his room. Suddenly the shadow opened the window. She slid lower in the driver's seat, hiding her face in the process. Within a split second she realized the stupidity of her action. No one would notice her. Many cars were parked by the road side. Hers would not attract any attention. Then the windows were shut close again. She let out a relief sigh.
Within minutes more cars arrived. Some parked by the house, some opposite the road. Few cars were parked behind her car. More people were seen walking towards the house. Man and women. Some went in, some lingered in the garden. Most of them looked Indonesian. She never knew Reza has Indonesian blood. The men were mostly wore songkok or kopiah. The ladies, she noticed were all in baju kurungs or kebayas. Mostly in black or white and all donned with tudungs or selendangs. Suddenly, she felt a pang of panic. This would normally mean one thing. Somebody has passed away.
The azan came at just about then. Very loud and clear from the nearby mosque. Calling all Muslims to perform their Maghrib (dawn) prayers. Little by little darkness enveloped, as the sun dips further into the western horizon. The TNB's road light were automatically lighted one by one, replacing the retiring sunlight. Soon, the roads were well lighted for passers by. Fortunately, her car was not parked under any of the road light. She remained hidden but overwhelmed with emotions.
The bright light shone through the windscreen. She was reminded of the good times. A series of " should have " thought flashes through her minds like a reel of film. She should have taken the phone, called him and just tell him that she missed him when she did. Or just confirmed his constant teasing that yes, he was special to her. She should have agreed to be introduced to
his family when he had offered. Then, she could just step into the house now instead of having to offer her prayers from afar. Now, it was too late. She would never know how he felt about her though she was sure about her feelings for him. She felt a deep sense of regrets.
A group of men were seen to gather at the main door awaiting something. A long stretcher came out from the house, carried by a group of eight people. The stretcher carried a long box covered with green cloth. Words of the holy Quran stitched in gold threat were embedded on the cloth.
Suddenly, all voices died down. A man's voice was heard reciting the prayers. The group took three steps towards the awaiting MPV and stopped. The man recited the prayers again. Another three steps were taken before the stretcher finally went into the MPV. She could see some people wiping away tears while some were seen consoling the others.
Slowly, the MPV left the house compound and went into the main road. The MPV and the remaining vehicles that followed drove slowly passed her car heading towards the graveyard located at the end of the kampong.
She could not bother to hide her face anymore. With each passing vehicle, her heart sank deeper and deeper. She felt a void in her heart. She wanted to cry out his name, scream her heart out but her voice failed her. Even her tears refused to flow. She felt so helpless and empty.
Suddenly, a beeping sound from her phone startled her. She groped in the dark searching for her phone. With squinted eyes she pressed a button. Her jaw dropped upon seeing the message , "My mother's Indonesian maid had an asthma attack. She passed away at 2.30 pm today - Reza".
Her tears flew like a broken dam. Sadness and relief intermingled.
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